You are my strength

Assalamualaikum

I wasnt a top student while in primary school. When I was the one who got accepted to jump class from standard 3-5 (PTS), everyone were shocked, me, friends, even the teacher who announced it. We were 7 of us, 1-6 are the top students while me the 17-th in the class, but I was in the first class btw, but, still. I accepted the offer, why not, not everyone being offered. I ask my parents, but I am not sure whether me or them who excited much.

It was a hard time for me for the first few month, hard time, and when I got a bad result, surely I am quite dissapointed, I regret for the decision that I have made, I should not lompat, I keep repeating that. But past is the past, I calmed myself, I dont think I deserve the offer so why should I accept it?. I went back, I showed the midterm result, I told them maybe nabeela takyah lompat kot dulu, then as a mom mestilah she wanted the best for her kids, she said I am the one who eager to lompat, I claimed my parents want me to lompat. Haha so by that time, I was soo sad, all I need is support no matter whose decision was that. If you keep blaming, not gonna change anything. She felt sorry and since then she never mention about the PTS anymore, hence here I am, even not a top student, jadi manusia laaa jugak.

Now, am I regret for the decision that I'd made last 14 years? 80% no. Why? I will never have a chance to get to know a lot of people from various ages, a lot of experience while be friends with people who much older than me, more wiser, 99% of my friends are older than me hehehehe. Im the youngest, so most of the time I act like a small kid, everyone pon macam layan sebab ye la ala dak kecik lagi hoho.. Banyak lagi sebenarnya but you may want me to continue with other post. :)

There are a lot of decisions that I made through out my life which I wish I can turn back the time and change it. A lot, dont want to mention any, am afraid it will hurt people surround me. But no matter how wrong my decisions are, how much mistakes I have made, I dont need people to feel sorry for me, to blame me, to mention me the wrong did, I believe no one will appreciate it, what is the point of keep repeating something that might hurt others. What hurt me most is when people keep blaming me, remind me things that I dont want to remember, things that I regret most in my life, things that make me feel down.

That is why people surround us are very important, if you can choose, choose, choose positive people in your life, people who support you in everything, if your family did not, have someone as your idol, my mom, she is more than supportive and excited until I have to stop her do something unbelievable. hihi. When I said mother, nabeela takley buat la. Alaa boleh ni, doa je doa. Even she knows I am afraid to drive alone, takpe drive je senang je, she used to follow me drive to a place because I am afraid. I cant compete with my mom, she can do almost everything. Tong gas tu die boleh angkat senang je. Luka dalam kena potong pisau keluar darah curah2, ape ada hal, masak je :(. Kena rompak masa dekat traffic light, die pergi kejar.

So when she said something negative to me, I feel down, I feel very bad, I feel like I am the useless person in  the world. I am someone who dont mind what people say about me, kau nak cakap ape pon cakap lahh, does not effect me much, but when 4/5 orang yang paling penting in my life cakap, fuhh the effects will ruin my life. From these people jugak I gain my support, I rely on them to say yeah you can do it, even though its hard, really hard, which I know its hard, doesnt matter how hard is that, I need support. So takde la every time I cerita problem, asyik nak cakap tu la dah cakap da dulu blabla. These people may know what are my weaknesses, what is my dislike, and I really hope they do not used them to against me, to look down on me, to mention me I cant do it. And these people have to say I am cantik hahaha, diorang dipaksa!

Alhamdulillah, saya dikelilingi by lot of positive people who omg kalau bagitau good news selalunya diorang yang excited lebih more than me. I tell them, tomorrow I have an interview, diorang yang excited, motipp tau interview je pon. Sebab saya pon jenis excited jugak hahaha! So guys when people put trust on you, said that you are one of the most important in his/her life, every single word that come out from your mouth will effect his/her life.You are the reason for someone's success, you may be the reason for someone's failure. You are my strength. Whatever happen to me in future, I hope there are few people who keep standing with me and keep saying its ok Bella, you can do it. Seronok ok rasa camtu.

Dear friends, if i am one of those important people in your life, and you feel that i neglected you intentionally or unintentionally, if sometimes i forgot to appreciate the most important moment in your life, if I treat you lower than what you expected, if my words or jokes sometimes harsh, please forgive me.

:)