|maybe chocolate can reduce my tense, and i got this for FREE. tq to i dont know who, may Allah bless.|
Its been a while I know. Hello ladies, how are you? Last night was the day where everybody was not sooo very nice to me. I have to write as polite as possible, only Allah knows, burning and tears inside. When I am under pressure, I love talk to people and always hope they can understand but at the end they are the one who make additional pressure. And I just could not blame them for it. :(. I feel like yeah I just should keep quite, make myself isolated from everybody so that I am not getting so much hurt which I know I could not receive any. How can I want to smile and I don't want to fake being happy in front of people when the truth is I am not. There is no way to explain to someone who does not already understand. If i could want anything in this world, I wanted to be alone and happy.I hope this feeling will pass soon and hence I will be able to be myself again, but until then, all I can do is just wait.
It always be days where you wake up in the morning and things are not the way you hoped it would be. I dream for a husband beside me, lame joke. That is when I keep telling myself that things will get better.Hey life is not about happiness, life is about problem too. There are times when people disappoint you, be they anyone. There will always be a challenges to face and changes to be made in your life, and I know it is all up to me whether to accept it. I try to constantly keep myself headed in the right direction, it may not be easy at times, but deep inside I know in those times of struggle, I will get paid back and sometimes who knows might found a stronger sense of mine.:(
Sometimes I am scared to get close to people. Be they are friends, strangers, families or whatever. It seems that every time I get close to them or someone, they always have to go away.:(. My kids brain always thought that why life always be unfair to me, am i that bad. Can you just leave me with people I love. Maybe it is to teach me how life goes on and how i should not depend on others like so much. I found out, the more I depend, the more I seek for help, the more I will get frustrated. How I wish I can do all by my own. I wish. We just don't know what level of sincerity do people have in helping you. They might say yes, so that you did not get hurt, but deep inside, we just do not know. Hey remember, people can hide their true feelings, very well. Or maybe I always trust the wrong people, I don't know. But dear, please do remember the only partner that deserves you is the one that thinks he/she does not, the one that will stay by your side no matter how much you make shit, how much you fuck up, how much you blame him/her, and the one who will forgive you mistake after mistake.
READING THIS POST IS LIKE WASTING YOUR PRECIOUS TIME